PBS Freaks Go Nuts
by Czq'bqymc
Summary: Quite a few of the PBS Kids characters decided to leave the sewer...


The PBS Idiots Go Nuts  
  
Note: This is a major crossover involving PBS kids' show characters, Disney Zenon characters, Lizzie McGuire, and some original characters. All trademarks, copyrights, etc. are the property of whoever happens to own them.  
A word of warning: This is really disgusting. It involves some foul language, a lot of violence, quite a bit of drug use, and to kick it up a notch, a bit of scatological humor. Now might be the time to go to some IE-only flashturbation site... but if you're not a PC Pansy, you'll find this quite humorous.  
  
One night, Barney the purple dinosaur, Arthur the aardvark, Arthur's stupid sister D.W., Muffy the rich bitch, Elmo, Big Bird, Cookie Monster, Emmy the Dragon Girl, Max the Dragon Boy, Ord the big blue pansy, Cassie the know-it-all, the two-headed monster called Zak and Wheezie, and Quetzal the Grand Dragon came out of the sewers into town and slept in an abandoned warehouse.  
  
The next day, Emmy and Max found a bag full of green stuff. The dragons came and took a look at it.  
"It looks like dragon weed!" said Ord.  
"That stuff will get us thrown in the dungeon," said Cassie.  
"Let's smoke it!" said Zak.  
"Ord, get out your Zig Zags and roll us a joint to pass around!" yelled Wheezie. So Ord took some Zig Zag papers out of his pouch and rolled a joint to pass around the group. He lit the joint with his fire breath and everyone took a few tokes.  
  
And then they got the munchies, so they decided to look for some food. They found a barn that sold ice cream. Quetzal broke a hole in the barn and took a few drums of ice cream, which the stoned idiots ate and threw out in the highway. A car hit a drum, lost control, and spun out, hitting a light pole. Lizzie McGuire, her parents, and Zenon Karr came out of the Yugo and joined the PBStoners. Ord rolled another joint, lit it, and passed it around. So now there were eighteen stoners with the munchies.  
  
They found a place called the Little Burger Joint. Ord and Quetzal ripped the roof off and the stoners ate everything they could eat in the storeroom. But some of the patties had e. coli from cow feces, and the stoners were in big shit now.  
  
Cassie got out some designer drug she made when she got that chemistry set for Christmas. But there were only six capsules of it!  
Arthur said, "If there's eighteen of us, and only six fucking capsules of your fucking drug, what are we going to do?"  
D.W. said, "I know! Give me all the pills!"  
Elmo looked at the pills and said, "That one is red, just like me!"  
"This is so inky major," said Miss Karr.  
"WHAT DID YOU SAY, BITCH?!" asked Ord.  
Emmy took the pills and split them on a picnic table. The other stoners groaned as she dumped all that powder on the table.  
"I say we share this stuff," said she. Cassie gave her a razor blade and a straw, which Emmy used to split the powder into eighteen even piles. And then she put the straw in her nose and snorted a share of the stuff. Cassie got her share, and so did everyone else.  
  
Soon they were seeing weird things. And then the tripping stoners went around like a bunch of acid-heads. But then Muffy walked in front of a train and went SPLAT!  
  
"Serves that whore right," said Arthur.  
"Now there's more pot for me!" said D.W.  
Ord said, "Let's get drunk!" and everyone got on the dragons and headed for the convenience store at the end of Main Street. Ord took out a saw and cut a hole in the roof to take some vodka. And they all had some. Now they were stoned, tripping, and drunk, while a train went by behind the store with Muffy's guts all over it. Cassie grabbed some tequila and they all drank that. Max puked everywhere, and on Barney's foot.  
"Hey, you son of a bitch!" yelled Barney. "Why did you puke on me, mother fucker?" Elmo puked on Lizzie.  
"THAT'S IT!" Lizzie threw Elmo into the path of a giant SUV. Needless to say, Elmo was thinner than paper when those huge tires did their magic. And then Lizzie passed out. Zak puked on Wheezie, and Wheezie did the same to Zak. They laughed like a couple of idiots. Cookie Monster went to the grocery store across the street and shoplifted some cookies while Big Bird stole bird seed from the feed shop next to the convenience store. The police came to the parking lot and arrested Lizzie, her parents, and Emmy and Max. But by that time, Zee had already stolen a car from the car shop by the feed store.  
  
As drunk and stoned and tripping as she was, she ended up going into the grocery and out the front door. Some state cops got her and threw her ass in jail. D.W. bumped into a grain storage bin and was buried in a big pile of wheat.  
  
So now only Barney, Arthur, Big Bird, Cookie Monster, Ord, Cassie, Zak, Wheezie, and Quetzal were left. They decided to go into a forest... a forest where a lot of hicks lived. A lot of hicks with shotguns. Luckily, they landed safely in an opening. But just after they landed, a hick blew Barney's head off.  
  
Cassie confronted the hick.  
"WHY THE FUCK DID YOU KILL BARNEY?" yelled Cassie.  
"Because I hate dumb purple dinosaurs," said the hick. Cassie blew some fire and caused a small explosion. The hick was toasted, and Cassie had a big hole in her head. The remaining drunk and stoned trippers went to the railroad tracks and met the train that splattered Muffy. Big Bird saw a grain hopper and gorged on a lot of oatmeal. So much, in fact, that he exploded and took Arthur out with him. Cookie Monster ran for the sewers, but Ord, Zak, Wheezie, and Quetzal decided to go down the street and crap on people's houses.  
  
They enjoyed unloading their diarrhea all over everyone's homes. It was like pouring melted chocolate over gingerbread houses. Except that this "chocolate" literally tasted like shit, and they were vandalizing other people's houses.  
  
But they made the big mistake of crapping on a certain blue house. The farting, house-trashing dragons were screwed, for Aquatarkus pulled out some laser-guided bottle rockets. The freaks didn't care.  
"What do you call a house with dragon poop all over it?" said Ord. "A shitty shack!"  
"And what do you get when you cross a human with a dragon turd?" said Wheezie. "Mr. Hankey!" And then a bottle rocket landed in the two-headed monster's bunghole and exploded. The monster blew up in several huge pieces and landed in a swimming pool. The other two dragons made a run for the sewer and never came to town again.  
  
The town was a mess, but it was cleaned up in a matter of days. The hole in the ice cream barn was patched, as well as the hole in the roof of the convenience store. The Little Burger Joint was re-roofed, and the fire department used their hoses on the houses hit with dragon crap to wash the nasty shit off.  
  
Emmy and Max went back to the sewers, and the other humans went back home, except for Zee, who was caught driving under the influence of alcohol, LSD, and pot, and served a whole year in the slammer.  
  
The end!  



End file.
